From (one of) the Editors’ Desks,

I am always so impressed by the talent that is displayed at Grebel Talent Shows. Last night at the Term End Talent Show was no exception. I am glad that so many people are ready and willing to express themselves musically (whether making music or dancing to music). I am also really glad that recently more people have been willing to express themselves poetically or through stories.

But what about the people sitting in the audience? What if we have other talents that aren’t really talents you would display at a talent show? I was talking with a few people and we feel we’re pretty good at organizing our desk. Maybe we could get up in front of Grebel and organize a messy desk for you. We’re also good at collating and I’ve gotten pretty good at delegating with my experience on Student Council. What about the people who are good at finding the integral of x2ex? What about people who can perform a titration effortlessly? What about people who can discuss at length how the animals on campus are affected by humans (case one – a squirrel seen with an entire Grebel cookie. Case two – a squirrel seen with an entire apple. Though a healthier option than the cookie it still isn’t natural squirrel food.)

Well I am also pretty good at cooking and I love to bake. But it is difficult to showcase that talent onstage without an oven or range top. As I tell this to Erik (who is baking cookies in my apartment for his Christmas Cookie Festival. He has commandeered all of the ovens on our floor for cookies!) we have decided it might not be that hard to bake on stage. It could be like on cooking shows where they put the tray of cookies in the oven and immediately pull out the tray that is already baked. So who knows, maybe in the future you will see me on stage organizing, collating or baking!!

Becky Klassen, GrebelSpeaks Co-Editor

Hannah the Wise and Suck Decreasion on Earth

Written By: Jen van Overbeeke

A Creation Story

Once upon a time (well not really “time”) there was a dot. This dot was not big nor was it small, it was not square or circular and it was not quite any one colour but all the colours mixed together. It was not black nor white but shiny and bright. It was a bit of everything yet completely nothing. This is its story, the story of the dot.

This story starts long before you or your grandparents were born. Back before your grandparent’s parents parents parents, when the world did not exist. There was just the dot and empty space. There were no planes, not even any automobiles, and no planets, stars, or mars bars. In fact, there weren’t even galaxies, just empty space and a dot.

Now way back then on a cold and black day (most, well all days were cold and black because there was nothing anywhere to make it anything else but cold and black) just before the dawn of time the dot all of a sudden, out of the blue, grew and grew and grew. As the dot grew it began to think. It thought about how boring it was because nothing existed aside from empty space and cold black days. So the dot thought of what it could do to make its day’s interesting and new. It thought and thought and thought till its thinker was blue and then it knew just what to do.

The dot began by breaking up into many little dots. There was so many dots that they filled all of the space that there was. Then each dot except for one transformed and changed, changed, and changed…

First of all, the dots turned into galaxies and stars and mars bars. Then suns and moons and spoons. Then the dot that was now apart of everything thought to make one more planet that it would call earth. So the one little dot that was left grew bigger and bigger and bigger. Then, like before, that humungous dot broke into many little dots and all the new dots but one began to change. They changed, and changed and changed…

And so earth was created along with people of all kinds and lemon rinds. Birds and beasts, monsters and mountains and much, much more. For each little dot turned unto something new, everything from shoes to planes to cars and even you. But the dot was not done, for there still was one dot left. The one dot that was left began to transform into a thing some like not. The last dot of all, not big or small, not short or tall, became what ticks every second, what we call a day or a month or a year. The last dot of all changed once and for all to time – time with no end or beginning.

That is how some people think we came to be, from a dot that was not big or small, short or tall, square or circular; and not any one colour but all mixed together. The dot wasn’t black or white but shiny and bright. So think if you will, about how we came to be and think of the dot and your reality. Think hard till your thinker turns blue in order to decide what you want to believe is true. Now remember in times of doubt that it’s not how we came to be but why we did that makes life count.

Written by: Josh Enns

A Christmas Tree for Room 4426

As many of you may have noticed, we decided to invest in a (rather expensive) beautiful Christmas tree for room 4426. Though we are thrilled with the outcome of the tree now, there was a time when we thought, “is this really worth it?”

On a cold, snowy day at the end of November, five of us set out to find the perfect Christmas tree. We wanted a big on- eight feet AT LEAST- and we were determined to find one that lived up to the expectations of everybody back at Grebel (we have learned for next time that it is better to keep quiet about plans for purchasing an enormous tree- people were disappointed about the size).

We planned everything well. We had three guys along (thanks to Caleb Jackett, Phillip Rempel, and Eric Kennedy), and a lot of cash (which turned out to be necessary when we found out the price of a tree base- never again.) We arrived at the tree farm in plenty of time to pick a tree in daylight and be back by dinner. What we didn’t count on was our differing opinions in “the perfect tree.” Two hours later Eric Kennedy was still brushing off trees for us to critique. Phil was ready with the saw and Caleb was standing nearby patiently (in shorts nonetheless), waiting to carry (one-handed) our tree. After agonizing over the size, needles, and branch density, we finally made our selection and went to pay. The tree was not cheap, but it was expected. What was NOT expected was the price of the tree base. To compensate, we ate about twenty dollars worth of the free cookies and cider- the only inexpensive thing at the farm.

After eating and paying, we left in the dark, base in hand, excited to get the tree up and looking beautiful. What we were not anticipating was the most challenging experience of our lives- even the engineers couldn’t figure out the base (though Brad Froese did try very hard). Katie Penner was finally able to chain the base to the tree- literally- though there was a price to pay, as the tree gave her an allergic reaction. The tree was also still covered in snow, and we were all soaked and cold. Moods had plummeted by the end, as comments like “oh, it’s smaller than I thought” and “it’s really crooked” flew from the people who were watching.

Nearly two weeks later, the question has come to our heads again. “Was it actually worth it? Was it worth the time and money and loss of space and allergic reactions?” Definitely. Once the tree was straightened and decorated, all comments turned positive. People stop by regularly to tell us that they love our tree. Others have contributed decorations, including a crown of thorns, that have only enhanced the tree’s beauty.

Thanks so much to everyone- the people who could have said we couldn’t have a tree, but said yes; the people who came to the farm to help us; everyone who has contributed ornaments, and everyone who has stopped by to see it! We hope the tree has brought you as much joy as it has brought us!!

Written by: Ellery Penner and Mel Goodfellow

Out in the Cold

Hmm . . . what’s the best thing to do on a Friday night? How does sleeping outside in -14˚ C weather surrounded by snow sound? That is what a group of your fellow Grebelites from Peace Society did on November 21. We joined a group of UW students for Out in the Cold, an event where we slept outside to raise awareness about homelessness in the Waterloo region and money for a local agency called ROOF (Reaching Our Outdoor Friends) that helps youth on the streets.

The night started out with cardboard. We were given cardboard boxes and a slight bit of duct tape. We were told that if we wanted somewhere to sleep, we had to build it. Of course, being Grebelites, we wanted an area promoting that “c” word, community. Hence, up went several flimsy walls around one large community sleeping area. It worked perfectly...that is, until it slowly collapsed on top of our huddled bodies during the night.

The immediate focus of the night seemed to be to keep warm in any way possible. We were encouraged to keep moving–the UW response team came around several times during the night to poke anybody they saw not moving in order to make sure they were not dead. We avoided this imposition of our personal space by running around playing ultimate frisbee with numbed fingers, kicking around a volleyball flattened by the cold, taking a midnight walk around Ring Road, and just becoming more intimate with frequent group huddles. We could go inside the SLC anytime we got too cold, where food and drinks were provided. It was amazing how wonderful a little thing like something warm to eat or drink was when you were that cold.

It was also a night of learning. We had three discussion groups during the night: breaking stigmas and stereotypes about homeless people, sharing stories and experiences, and discussing how you can make a difference on all levels. So many of the people there were knowledgeable on the topic, and had so many stories to share about how homeless people are just like you and me, although often more hospitable and wanting to share the little they do have. Homelessness is much more rampant than we think in Canada, and right here in Waterloo. In 2005, 2,653 individuals accessed emergency shelter services in the Waterloo region and many households are only three paychecks away from homelessness (Homelessness and Housing Umbrella Group). It is a problem that needs to be dealt with.

Sleeping outside on the coldest night of the fall helped me to realize just how hard it would be to be homeless–we thought we were cold, in our winter garb, when we had access to warm shelter, food and drinks with the promise of a warm bed only one night away. To think that over 2000 people within busing distance from our warm Grebel beds experience the cold every night. I can’t imagine sleeping on a park bench to wake up with your hair frozen to the wood, with no sensation in your fingers or face and calling that - that desolate, cold piece of unloved wood your home. Here at Grebel, we have so much. I think that it is time for us to share.

If you are interested in getting involved, you can go to the Homelessness and Housing Umbrella Group website: http://www.hhug.ca.

Written by: Sara Brubacher

7½ Tips for Surviving Your Holiday Away From Grebel

As the term draws to an end, I try to remember what my life was before Grebel. Vague memories of days without death muffins are all that I come up with. It’s hard to imagine what my first Christmas home from university will be like. What culture shock! So, if you’re dreading move-out day and being away from your many Grebel friends, here are some tips to help you get through. See you soon, and happy holidays!

1. Don’t actually leave. Find yourself a comfortable hiding spot in the air ducts (or somewhere…) and wait until the dons leave. Then, enjoy free reign of the place.

2. If hibernation isn’t really your style, scavenge food from the caf, enough for one week, and slowly wean yourself off Grebel food. This is less shocking to your system than a “cold turkey” approach.

3. Work the “c”-word into every conversation that you have with relatives. Community, people! (Get your heads out of the gutter.)

4. Eat butter. Lots.

5. Play loud music and invite friends over between 10:00 pm and 11:00. It’s expressive hour!

6. Eat all of your meals off of a tray, even your turkey dinner.

7. Sing a harmony part to every song that you hear, à la David Penny and the Coppers.

7½. Have toast on Christmas night…because it’s Thursday.

Written By: Kyrie Vala-Webb

Missed Connection

Dear Dark and Dangerous,
I saw you take an extra death muffin at snack night a while ago. I love a man with a dangerous side. It’s good to know you like good old-fashioned Mennonite cooking since I plan on cooking and baking lots for us and our future seven children.

- Signed, Baked Betty

Movie Review: Twilight

For those of you who have been awaiting the release of the movie Twilight and have been watching the movie trailer for months now, the wait is finally over and it is well worth the wait. From the casting to the soundtrack everything exceeded expectations. As an avid reader, I went into this movie with relatively low expectations and was not expecting at all the cinematic masterpiece that it was. Another viewer, Dani Hoover said after viewing this work of art, “Mind-blowing! This has changed the course of my life dramatically!!”

The film begins with Bella Swan moving from her hometown of Phoenix, Arizona to Forks, Oregon to live with her dad. There she meets a boy named Edward Cullen, who at first seems horrified by her. She begins to notice oddities about Edward and the rest of his family who all attend Forks High School. They begin to get know each other as lab partners, and then after a traumatic event they admit their feelings for each other. You’re probably thinking now that this sounds a lot like any other romance movie you’ve seen, but you probably weren’t expecting this twist.

Edward is a vampire! But don’t worry; he’s not your typical coffin-sleeping, Count Dracula-type vampire. Actually he’s a vegetarian with piercing gold eyes, cold pale skin, and biceps that resemble that of Arnold Schwarzenegger. At first glance, you are rendered helpless. And it’s not just Edward Cullen, the whole family is beautiful, there is no other word to describe them. Let me emphasize this is not your typical love story, rather an uplifting and awe-inspiring story about two people in love where one is in a constant struggle against the killer instinct inside.

Finally, we’d like to leave you with a quote from Edward Cullen, “And so the lion fell in love with the lamb..." and then "What a stupid lamb," replied Bella.

Written by: Katie Penner and Dani Hoover

George is a Good Boy

Mama told me, Son be a good boy
And I a good boy, I a good boy

I live with Mama and my big brother, Silvano.
Silvano's a good boy, but sometimes not so good
But Mama says he's a good boy, so he's a good boy
Even if Silvano shouts loud sometimes
And if the Police don't like him sometimes
Silvano is a good boy

Yesterday he shouted at the neighbor lady
She's a good neighbor lady, our neighbor lady
So why is Silvano shouting at the good lady?
And why does he have such a big hammer
With a big hammer it must be a big nail
Because Silvano is a good boy
Good boy's help neighbor ladies
The neighbor lady is always nice to me.
I am always nice to the neighbor lady
But why does Silvano shout at neighbor lady
I hope Silvano is a good boy
And doesn't make Mama cry

So, I want to let you know, Mr. Policeman.
Silvano may not be a good boy all the time
But Silvano isn't here right now, Mr. Policeman.
I'm not Silvano, Mr. Policeman. I'm George
Silvano is my brother
I'm not trespassing, not trespassing
I live with Mama and my big brother, Silvano.
I a good boy, a good boy
And maybe if you'd stop hitting me
You'd see I a good boy,
Just like Mama told me.

Written by: Dylan Thomas

bus stop strangers

It's a winter's evening,
about six hours past noon.
I'm contained within my own little world, but
that is not to be for long.
Crunching and clomping starts me from
cranial meanderings
Suddenly another is there
Red toque over long hair; dark, it seems.
No eye contact, no introductory ice-breaker.
You too have appointments within your self.
Standing, us both, awaiting.

Painted as a tableau, streetlights shining
across snow and inky glistening black roads.
Lights, green, red, casting streaks from traffic lights
the orange hand alternately shouting
and silent, calling a simple message to unpresent pedestrians.
A third joins us, wheeling a bicycle.
Hatless, mittless, he keeps his hands in his pockets
after fiddling with a black-striped white card.
A WatCard, maybe. His passport to transport.
We stand silent, nearly unmoving,
three unfamiliar musketeers,
promising nothing less than continued unspokenness,
All for none, and one for self.

Near statues we are, waiting.
Waiting, quietly for a bus to come
To continue our journey of silent solitude.

Written by: Lukas A. Matthews

How Well Do You Know The Residence?

Contest!!!

How Well Do You Know The Residence

For the contest you need to give the residence room number of where you can find each of these things. You can check to see if you’re right by comparing the sum of your room numbers with the sum given below. There will be two prizes given out – 1 for the first person to get it right and 1 as a draw from all the other names. To submit your answers email them to grebelspeaks@hotmail.com. The contest closes Tuesday, November 18 at 11:55 pm. Good luck!

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1. A faithbook poster

2. A 50 year old globe

3. Panpipes

4. A dinosaur colouring contest

5. A boomerang

6. A mini grad cap (palm-size)

7. A movie theatre pole

8. Buddha

9. A toilet (not in the bathroom)

10. Two gold coins from frosh week

11. A shrine to “the office”

12. A water bottle that shrunk in the dishwasher

13. A chalk board desk

14. A wooden fridge

15. A large penny event TV

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Sum of room numbers: 61344

Magic of Elfland

It was a Monday evening. Having just supplied my body with the nutrition to be found in a delicious grebel dinner, I was content. One thing you must know is that it is approaching the time of examinations here at waterloo and thus my ability to procrastinate has increased exponentially within the last several days…

It was slightly after 6 o’clock. Amid shafts of sombre light from various lampposts the snow was slowly falling from the sky. I longed to be among the wonderfully magical winter flakes. Oh to fall from the sky as one of those intricate flowers of crystallized hydrogen dioxide…Suddenly as if a divine being was playing genie, She was there.

“Would you perchance like to go on a walk?” She murmured…

The walk was wondrous, the snow was exquisite, She was beautiful and the divine being was smiling down on us. It is amazing how like children we were. We ventured off to Narnia and once talking beavers had lost there appeal we carefully crossed the bridge into another fantasy. Terabithia was, and is, always a delightful place…

However, as the night wanes and the morning approaches dreams do not last forever. Our ungloved, bare hands began to become cold, the snow began to stop its procession from the heavens, and we returned. We returned from the fantasy to the reality of Conrad Grebel.

Another thing you should know is that when the dream is over and one wakes up, one is given a whole new day to proceed with a whole new marvellous adventure. And so it was…

It was 8 o’clock, the Grebel Advanced Hockey Team was beginning to fight for a fading vision of being in the Intramural finals. Alas, reality is sometimes cold and defeat is never overly warm. The scoreboard read as a shattered vision saying, “Home 0 Visitors 4”. But dear reader, even nightmares have there ends when the day begins and thus, we arrive at the final triumph of Monday the 19th in the 19th year of this humble writers existence…

It was 10 o’clock, the snow was perfect. Each flake seemed to be magnetically attracted to every other piece of snow that it came in contact with. Needless to say, the snow was seductively calling to be shaped and packed into something more then itself. Thus, as many young men have done before and many have yet to do, four of us formed a bond that night. The snow fort was gargantuan; a proper igloo – made up of massive balls of snow, rolled and then stacked together as one. Its entryway was majestically formed in the shape of an arch, its interior was spacious, it was the Final Triumph of the night…

It was 1 a.m., the igloo was finished – our energy spent. We returned to Grebel and bid each other a good night… Oh, what a good night it was, one full of the mystery of forming relationships and the elation of experiencing it all…

May you too be graced by the magic of Elfland and in so doing experience the divines smile.

-By: the Resident of memories

Written by Josh Enns

From (one of) the Editors' Desk

What can you do with 10 dollars? You can’t go for dinner at East Side Mario’s. You can barely go to the theatre to see a movie. You can’t even wash and dry 4 loads of laundry. One thing you can do is support a university student through the World University Service of Canada Student Refugee Program (WUSC-SRP). Grebel students have been supporting this cause since Fall 2007. We had a student from this program live in our community last year and it is the plan to have one next year again.

In case you didn’t know Grebel students are currently donating $10 per term to support this cause (look on page 60 in your constitution!!) but this commitment only lasts until Spring term 2009. It will be coming under review soon and the question will be put to Grebel students whether we want to continue to support the Student Refugee Program. As this time comes nearer I encourage all of you to think about those $10. All of us attending university have the privilege, the means and the resources to make it possible to go to school. The Student Refugee Program enables these students to go to university so they can bring their knowledge back to their home communities.

How much is your $10 worth to you? How much is your $10 worth to the refugee student who gets to come live at Grebel next year? Please think about this a little bit. For more information you can look on page 60 of your constitution, go to http://www.wusc.ca/en/campus/students/sponsor/refugee_program or you can go to the University of Waterloo Student Refugee Program website at www.uwsrp.ca. More details will be coming from Student council in the near future.

Written by Becky Klassen - GrebelSpeaks Co-Editor

The Short Poem In Which I Grapple With a Rock

i wrestled it and clung to it

down many flights of stairs

like a limpet as it softly spun

through howling cosmic airs

.

at the bottom of the sea

i thought i'd ground it into dust

but it buoyed me up and shook me off

with wild volcanic thrust.

.

i struck out like a tiger

and i grasped a gritty crag

and the boulder bounded on

my body rippling like a flag

.

the one i was the who i am

that unobtrusive mote

was next to not existing

ere the day this stone first smote

Written by Dylan Siebert

Comic - By Andrew Stroud

I Love

I love the sun that beats down one day

And hides the next

And I love that chill that fills the void the sun left behind.

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I love the buildings, the trees, the grass

I love the squirrels that peek out of trash cans

I love the geese that fly overhead.

.

I love that stranger I pass every day on the way to class

He still avoids my glances

And I grin to myself every time.

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I love the guy who walks as if he can’t step on the cracks

And the ‘safe’ places to step are very far apart

So every step is a lunge.

.

I love the smell of cigarette smoke on days when the wind blows

And I even love it when it hangs around

I cough, glare at the culprit and continue on my way.

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I love passing mobs of friends

Who smile with delight at my presence

I love being loved and I love in return.

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I love the awkward hello

Spoken to the person I know I should know

But I don’t really.

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I love that professor who stares right at me

I think she thinks I’m smart

Because I stare right back.

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I love that it is past midnight

And I write this poem knowing full well

That I have a difficult midterm this evening.

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I love that half the residence is up with me

Plugging away at their work

No doubt they have been more productive then I.

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I love that half can of sprite and granola bar wrapper on my desk

That all you can eat buffet is just not enough

My stomach still growls.

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I love the feeling of freedom that lifts me off my feet

When I think of what I shall do

And where my future will lead me.

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I love that I am here

And even in the awkward, not fun moments

The loves prevail.

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Written by Jennifer van Overbeeke

Beauty

“Ugly,” she says. “Jessie you are ugly now. You were beautiful when you came but now your skin is dark like ours. You are ugly.” I laugh first at the irony of the situation. I think of all my peers back in chilly Canada who pay hundreds of dollars each year to artificially acquire the tanned skin that eight months of tropical sun have given me. When I describe tanning beds to my Lao friends their mouths gape open in disbelief and disgust. Forget J-Lo and Angelina Jolie, Lao girls crave nothing more than to look like the pale skinned, rail thin, delicately featured, silky haired Thai pop stars they see on TV.

But later that night, when the conversation runs through my head again, I’ll admit, I start to cry. No, my host sister’s comments have not offended me (such matter of fact statements about appearance are an every day occurrence here), but it suddenly hits me hard that our world has taken the concept of beauty and twisted and contorted it until it has become an instrument of torture. Why is it that young Lao girls smear bleach based whitening creams on their faces and hide behind thick layers of clothing every time they step out into the sunshine? And likewise why am I tempted to suffer severe sunburn and skin damage in the hopes of maintaining a golden glow? (Tempted dad, only tempted.)

When I begin to compare and contrast the characteristics of beautiful people across cultures, it’s easy to see what a social construction the whole concept is. Somehow, beauty has evolved over time away from the appreciation of the exquisitely, intricately and uniquely Created beings that we are and into a Platonic Form (represented by the “beautiful” people we see in our society’s media) of which we will always fall short. We will never be light enough, dark enough, thin enough, fat enough, tall enough or short enough to be beautiful, so why not love our bodies just as they are right now?

I should make a confession: it’s easy for me to say these things in writing, but somehow this Form of beauty seems to be stamped into my brain in permanent ink. Even here in Laos, when I should be worrying about the very real issues of injustice rather than wasting mental energy fretting about my appearance, there are still days when I wake up feeling that my zits are too big or my hair too frizzy. I’ve come a long way in the last few years in the journey towards loving myself but I’ve still got a long way to go.

As I walk alongside young people in this country (and in Canada), on our shared path towards a more peaceful world, I realize that we will be able to do very little to build peace with the people around us until we gain the sort of confidence and inner peace that comes from accepting and loving the person we are, frizzy hair and all.

Written by Jess Reesor last year while living and serving in Laos

How to Bond with your Roommate – Advice from Room4402

Greetings from the Short Room on the 4th Floor! The occupants of Room4402 have compiled a list of suggestions to help you become closer to your roomie. These are things we have done together that have proved positive to our relationship.

- Since the start of the year, we have been drawing lots of pictures depicting fun adventures, fears, and dreams of each other and hung them on our door. This helped us to move past any awkward surprises about each other and embrace the individuals we are

- We wrote a song about the first few weeks of living at Grebel. This spilling of thoughts and raw artistic emotion really drew us closer

- We went on a roommate date – hungry, alone, and without parents- and discovered the trials and tribulations of living in the real world as a student with responsibilities

- We often help each other through emotional turmoil. For example: Vicki lost her hairbrush and Jacquie was there for her. Shortly after this event unfolded, it was discovered that actually Jacquie lost Vicki's hairbrush. Once again we had to work through all sorts of difficult emotions, but in the end we had a stronger sense of trust (and respect for each other's belongings/space)

- We share each other's clothes. For example, right at this moment, Jacquie is wearing Vicki's blue v-neck, and Vicki is wearing Jacquie's "To Write Love on Her Arms" tshirt.

- We write info notes to each other during the day. This way no one is left alone without knowing about it first

- We share our food (usually Oreos), water (of the bottled variety) and even the same box of Q-tips

- We call each other's parents Mom and Dad. We have built the relationship up past ourselves to a family level… we are family now

- We both have a pretend fetish with the same celebrity. This helps build recognition of each other's interests

- We have tested each other's strength in fights in the death in the volleyball sand after snack night. We realize that this task is not for everyone, but it helped us to recognize each other's weaknesses and learn to be sensitive about them in future times

These examples are proven to help one bond with their roommate. Room4402 has become so close that once Jacquie saw a picture of herself on Facebook and thought it was Vicki, and tagged it accordingly (until days later when she realized that, oops, that's me not my roommate). Vicki's own Oma often calls and starts to converse with Jacquie thinking its Vicki. We are fortunate enough to have bonded so well as roommates, and we hope that these examples can help any roommates who feel that they could be that little bit closer with their roommate. :)

Written by Vicki and Jacquie

How do you feel about the morgue ...

Hmmm...what comes to mind when you hear the word morgue? That pretty much sums up my feelings about the place. Plus all the guilt about not studying more :( ~ Sarah Garland

I find that it’s ironic that the study room is right beside the games room which you have to walk through, talk about self discipline. ~ Emma Gard

A very scary place ... I’m a tad intimidated ... ~ Katie Cowie

Coffin-like ~ Katie Penner

Death ~ Melanie Goodfellow

The morgue is bleak and suffocating and cold and lonely. ~ Ellery Penner

There is something loud and buzzy and it needs to be fixed. ~ Kate Findley

The morgue does not seem a happy/comfy enough place to study. It is depressing. ~ Toby Woerthle

Quiet! ~ Michael Maiolo

Great idea. Love the name. ~ Peter Plaisier

I’m indifferent. ~ Ben Scott

Third-Floor Construction

At first, I awoke to a frightening sound,

Voices, shovelling, hammering, all ‘round!

It was quite a shock, I have to admit.

I didn’t like it, not even a bit!

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For I live, with my roommate, on Grebel’s fourth floor.

Our window looks out, not on green trees galore,

But over lots of fine pebbles atop a fine roof,

And a stone wall of the chapel, looking nice and rainproof.

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Now, I have to tell you before I go on,

That I think this view is a bit of a yawn,

But at least it’s quiet all the way up there,

And no one can see into our room or stare.

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I’d gotten quite used to our private space,

Which is why, though they’d warned us, I was surprised to be faced

By a crew of people just inches away,

Working there, loudly, through all of the day.

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The whole floor, it seems, was in an uproar,

Because of these workers, who were really hardcore.

We talked of it, like it was big breaking-news.

It wasn’t like snack night, but it did amuse,

Until, at last, the work was all done.

We offered them cookies as thanks for the fun.

And now, our view is of the lovely new roof,

But life seems a little bit quiet and DULL.

Written by Kyrie Vala-Webb

WHAT GREBEL COOKIE MATCHES YOUR PERSONALITY???

A collaborative effort between Sarah Garland, Jennifer van Overbeeke, Kryie Vala-Webb, and Alicia Brubacher, others laughed in the trial efforts

1. If you were baking a batch of cookies, you’re more likely to bake something:

a) Traditional and simple

b) Super-sweet and loaded with chocolate

c) With as few ingredients as possible but sill delicious

d) With a bit more spice

2. You just received an inheritance from your Great-aunt Myrna. Her only stipulation is that you have to use it to travel. You choose which country?

a) England, just think of all the history.

b) Germany, you have your heart set on visiting little alpine villages.

c) Australia, where you can sit on the beach and relax all day.

d) Indonesia, the cross-cultural experience would be amazing.

3. Oh no!!! Your roommate accuses you of eating their package of homemade cookies that their Grandma set all the way from Steinbach! Being the perfect roommate you never touched their cookies so you use all the knowledge you gained in your PACS course and follow this course of action:

a) Deny eating their cookies and explain how you would never do anything so inconsiderate.

b) Determine everyone who has been in your room around the time of the incident and question them.

c) Call their Grandma to get the original recipe and bake a double batch of cookies by braving a scary apartment as a show of good faith.

d) Make an impassioned plea at Commie supper for the return of the cookies and for the culprit to reveal themselves.

4. You are enjoying a nice peaceful lunch of Top o’ Potato when you see someone leave the cafeteria with a Grebel cookie! You: a) Quietly approach them and tell them that if they do not return the cookie that you will inform a don about their actions.

b) Tell them that it is silly to only steal one cookie when you have two hands and promptly show them the several cookies that you were able to take out of the caf.

c) Turn your head and pretend to ignore the offender.

d) Yell at the top of your lungs “Stop in your tracks perpetrator! Return that cookie or suffer the consequences!” effectively drawing everyone’s attention to that person.

5. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You have the lucky fortune of having a birthday that falls in the school year. During meal time you are cheered onto your chair, the thought that is running through your mind is:

a) It is tradition, so I might as well stand here and take it.

b) Wait, is Happy Birthday three four, or four four time so I can clap along?

c) You are avoiding the caf like a plague, and when they finally do sing to you, you blush profusely and keep your head down.

d) I hope everyone knows Happy Birthday in French so I can start another round!

Answers:

Mostly A’s: You are a chocolate chip cookie. You are traditional, with a strong sense of justice and you demonstrate leadership abilities. While you may not be adventurous and incredibly exciting, your friends love your sense of loyalty and value your friendship. If ever someone has a problem, them come to you and depend on your opinion. You’re a classic! (Another Grebel chocolate chipper Philip Cutmore).

Mostly B’s: You are a double chocolate cookie. You always put 110% into everything you do, and you are engaged in the community and the people around you. People sometimes think you are over the top, but your friends appreciate the enthusiasm that you bring to every situation. When something needs to get done, others come to you with the knowledge that you will get the job done with humour and style. (Another Grebel double chocolater Jenn Vanhie).

Mostly C’s: You are a sugar cookie. You have a loving, and giving personality. You are super sweet, and avoid confrontations at all costs. Those who underestimate you think that you are timid, but your friends know that you are aren’t a door mat, and know that you will stand up for the underdog. You’re a friend to all you meet and greet life with a smile. And by the way… are you in PACS? (Another Grebel sugarer CalebYeung).

Mostly D’s: You are a ginger snap. You’re adventurous and exotic. You love to try new things and aren’t afraid to speak your mind. Others might think that you are a few courses short of a full time student, but those who know you well know that you are grounded in your beliefs and aren’t afraid to be yourself. You march to the beat of your own drum. (Another Grebel ginger snapper Hannah Redekop, or so we like to say).

From [one of] the editors’ desk,

So I’ve been doing my research a bit on GrebelSpeaks lately and I have made many interesting discoveries. I have found issues of GrebelSpeaks that are older than I am and I have been reading them a bit too often, instead of diligently studying. A little too much perhaps but then I wouldn’t be able to bring you the gems I have found. As you may (or may not) know Mary, Paul, Ed and a few others here have been around for quite some time. They have also been Grebelquoted a time or two. So here I have some retro Grebelquotes that I would like to share with you.

I’m late for a meeting but I have to pee first. Mary B-Z ~ march 1998

I really like food. Cheri Otterbein ~ march 1995

We’ll see how things go and how naked I am at the end of the night Ed Janzen ~ august 2003

If you can’t find a co-op job you might as well get pregnant. Paul Penner ~ october 1997

Don’t brush your teeth before chapel choir. Len Enns ~ april 2002

As you probably know these are taken out of context but I’m sure they were funny at the time and I think they’re still funny all these years later. So if you have any funny faculty, staff or administration quotes I would love to hear them and remember to never stop grebelquoting.

Written by Becky Klassen, GrebelSpeaks co-editor

Presenting: University of Waterloo’s FARM MARKET

For the past two weeks I have had the privilege of volunteering at UW’s Farm Market, and have since been inspired to spread the word of its worth on campus.

UW’s Farm Market is a market place that is set up once a week where UW students and staff can come to purchase locally grown produce. It began in 2006 as a collaborative effort between students and UW Food Services and has been successful ever since. The produce is mainly purchased from the Elmira Produce Auction Cooperative, is transported by UW Food Services, and is sold by UW student volunteers to the public.

The variety of products available at this time of year is astounding. Apples, pears, plums, corn on the cob, carrots, peppers, tomatoes and much, much more, adorn tables with their richly coloured splendour. Fresh baked goods such as chocolate two bite brownies, banana loaf, and smoky onion bread scintillate the senses with their aroma. Even a variety of preserves are available for purchase; from canned beats and pickles to strawberry jam and honey. Hey, if you want to brighten up the dim expanse of your dorm room, you could even pick up a stunning yellow fall mum.

There is something for everyone at the Farm Market; even for those of us on an incredible all you can eat meal plan. I know I like to snack between meals, how about you? Why not pick up some locally grown apples or freshly baked chocolate chip cookies? I’m sure they’ll taste better then your no-name brand granola bars…

While purchasing from the Farm Market, you will be buying fresh, nutritious foods at great prices, without even leaving campus, therefore reducing your ecological footprint.

The Farm Market is located in the lower level of the SLC from 9:00am to 1:00pm on Wednesdays for the next two weeks. Hope to see you there!

(Cash or WatCard are accepted. Bring your own bags or buy a biodegradable one for ¢25… in other words, bring your own bag).

Written by Jen van Overbeeke

The arms of unconscious consciousness

i am sitting in a tree. People are walking over the bridge. They are Going Places. i was going places, doing things – i had a list. Everybody makes Lists. But now, at least here, in this moment, in this space, i find myself outside the melting pot of societal urgencies – I am sitting in a tree. Sitting in a tree and sipping corporate jello while people come and go, talking of Michelangelo…(the oft quoted words of prufrock whisper tentatively in my brain…)

Going places. hmm. i wonder where i am going? If only i could sit enshrouded in the tree until this indeterminate equation comes to an end. A tree doesn’t judge. A tree doesn’t criticize. And yet, i feel that tree’s still manage love. i listen to the presence… Trying to hear it speak. But this is no fairy tale fantasy. The tree remains loving, Silent; as squirrels waltz by.

I am still sitting in a tree. People are still going places. But, for the moment I am content to leave the places to them. I have found what I’m here for. I remain, for some arbitrary amount of time, sitting…

Sitting in a Tree.

Written by Josh Enns

PoopShop Vandal Strikes at Grebel!

Poop: natural consequence of food, or funny word used to get cheap laughs when you can't think of anything witty? Sometimes it is both of these things, but a local vandal has been giving the word a more sinister meaning, defacing posters advertising the Poop, er POP Shop. That's right, someone has been adding extraneous o's to signs all around Grebel, transforming the harmless beverage 'pop' into the hilarious non-sequitur 'poop.' While this may been seen by some as the height of comedic wordplay, the joke does grow old, and after several replacements of the defaced posters, the pop shop operators are no longer amused. It is requested that the poopshop vandal, whoever he or she may be, halt heir crusade and stop modifying pop shop posters.

...... heehee ... poop.

We're Back!

GrebelSpeaks is back online! Now that we've got this intarweb thingy figured out, it's nothing but smooth sailing from here on out.

The first edition of GrebelSpeaks is scheduled to come out at the end of next week. If I may say so, it already looks pretty sweet.

That's all for this update.

-Editor

Caption Contest!

Here it is! The first ever 2008 Conrad Grebel Caption contest! Thanks to Kevin Martin for the photograph. The rules of the contest are A. Think of something funny to say about the picture. B. Post it in the comments section. That's it! Please no more than 2 posts each. We will form a small panel of judges and the winner(s) will receive sweet prizes. Enjoy, and good luck! Khuong and Joel

A Day in Rec and Geography

Well, our time in Rec/Geog starts out already on the walk to the MC. We lovingly take along our favourite Japanarmenian, Matt Keoshkerian, most likely known to you as MKa$h, MJiggity, Mdollar, Son-of-Hratch, Matt-tuh, etc. Basically anything other than Matt Keoshkerian. (ps – he’s the resnet guy!)

So anyways, we take Matt with us on the way to class, and say hi to every Grebel person we see as obnoxiously and loudly as possible, to make it as uncomfortable for Matt as possible, and because we both love being in the spotlight and love the attention. A non-exhaustive list of people we see on the way to class are: Dan, Deanna, Becca, Khuong, Kim, Tim (you may not know him…he lives in the apartments. He is going to name his first child Bowser Blair), Alina, Ben, Sam, Sarah, Grace, Chris, and everybody else who is cool (Sorry Jason Booy!). All of these people normally obnoxiously say hello back to us. Matt, in an effort to make us stop, likes to steal our stuff, like our hats, but then our beautiful blond hair starts to blow elegantly in the wind, and we attract even more attention and Matt loses and we win.

So we get to the MC and have to walk up the stupid effing four flights of stairs! Like honestly! Four flights! Who does that. We get to class like one minute before class starts, and have to search the class for two seats side-by-side…sometimes it’s a challenge. Once class starts, it usually has something to do with New Zealand. This prof LOVES New Zealand. Like really…we’re not joking. Especially adventure tourism in New Zealand. Since this is a Rec/Geog class, we usually end up talking about Recreation or Geography, which is then boring for only one of us at a time, so one of us gets to dink away while the other sort of pays attention (if you hadn’t noticed, today Erik doesn’t know what’s going on…we’re learning about Marine Parks, which I (Amanda) already know about). Sometimes we have classes devoted solely to meeting with our groups for our group projects. Those classes are dumb. Erik usually spends his time eating in class. He loves eating in class! Today he had a peanut butter and jam sandwich which he ate quite noisily and a salad he can’t eat because he forgot a fork. Maybe he should have brought a spork. (Aside: we seem to be talking about dynamite fishing in class. Erik loves talking about the environment. He’s an enviro-geek). OH EFF SHE JUST TALKED ABOUT NEW ZEALAND AGAIN. Milford Sound or something, says Erik the enviro-geek.

Written by Erik and Amanda

SQUASH THE FROSH ??? ???

What was advertised as “just a friendly game of football” soon turned into an epic battle for the ages. On Saturday, October 13, 2007 at 10:00 am, the Grebel tradition officially labeled Grebel Bowl lived on, beginning with the traditional catcalls and slanderous chirping from Upper-year students and alumni. Vintage examples can be quoted off of facebook, “Make sure to get lots of pictures of frosh getting carried off on stretchers. That’s really good promo!!” (Fred W. Martin) and in reply, “I am going to refer to this event as ‘squash the frosh’ and nothing else…” (Geoff Dijkema). Bless these poor misguided souls for not knowing what they were up against. The 2007 Grebel frosh brought their game faces, most of them painted, and before long the Upper-Years realized that the frosh were going to make a game out of this. Needless to say, they bit the dust hard! In a never been done before 21-14 victory over the Upper’s, the Grebel frosh sent them the ultimate mock, so much for a squashing.

*In case you missed it – The frosh had never before beaten the Uppers until that fateful morning!!!

But everyone is happy ever after...

Morley