Monday, November 19, 2007

A Word from Grebel FOC's 2007

Written by Lynn the Thomas

Nowhere else is a red vest a symbol of such power, nowhere else does it command such respect, nowhere else do people actually wear such vests in public. Yes, I will admit, I may have gone a teeny bit power happy during orientation week, particularly when I had both the blackberry and a walkie talkie. It's not often that I'm in a position to ask/tell someone to do something and they do it right away. Edcom actually did what I asked them! Events ran smoothly, frosh had fun and learned things but quite possibly the highlight of my week was when this black and camo clad, chain wearing, non smiling, 6 ft plus guy did what I asked him to. And in this case, I decidedly asked, I didn't tell. I guess technically I was ranked higher during Orientation Week, but I have a little secret: Edcom scare me and I did not want to make him mad. So I asked nicely, and immediately he went off to do my bidding. How I wish that happened more in my life. But please don't get me wrong here; I didn't become FOC purely for the power of the position. There were many other exciting things that happened because of my FOCness and of course I loved them all equally as well. But my favourites are as follows… - I heard a million variations on the 'Lynn's off foc-ing', theme and had to explain very carefully during co-op interviews (and to my rather shocked parents) that FOC rhymes with dock and not other words like luck. - Leah and I spent over $100 in one shopping trip at Dollarama. It doesn't sound all that great, but believe me, it was exhilarating. We totally backed up the whole check-out process (they finally started another cash register and about 10 people went through in the time we took to buy our stuff) and amazed the guy who worked there with the randomness of our selection. - I got to hit things at Edcom smash. Hit things with a huge sledgehammer (though they kept taking it away from me and giving me a little crowbar instead). The most exciting one was an old computer monitor and I highly recommend trying this at home (though please complete a Risk Management Form before doing to ensure complete and total safety and limited liability!). I had about 5 minutes of free time the whole week, slept very little, wore the same shirt for 5 days straight, constantly ran all over the place grabbing last minute things, went way over the speed limit down University Road trying to get some of those things back in time, shouted frequently and had one of the best weeks of my life. A HUGE thank you to everyone who was involved, particularly the incredibly amazing Grebel frosh leaders and the foc-tastic Leah and Dave. I can't wait to do it all again next year!

Looking For ‘The One’

Brought to you by Laura Mikelsons

“Would you like to take my marriage test?” That was a question that caught some unsuspecting males off guard a couple weekends ago at the annual walk-a-mile. In the midst of questions like “Where are you from?” and “What program are you in?” I had compiled an intense set of questions that formed into something I like to call ‘The Marriage Test.’ Now this test is not as frightening as it may sound. I was not interested in finding my soul mate or a suitable husband. I made sure to clarify before each testing session that the test was not in regards to a relationship between my walking partner and myself. Rather, it was to find out what my walk-a-mile partner thought about marriage, relationships, and life in general. Once I clarified that I wasn’t looking for a hook-up, I began my test. Since the duration of the survey was unpredictable based on the spontaneity of the walk-a-mile, I usually began with a more intense question so I could get straight to business. That question was usually something along the lines of, “What are your religious views?” This was my personal favourite question because I believe that it gets at the essence of who an individual is as a human being. What someone believes in religiously covers a lot of ground about a person from their lifestyle choices to the way they carry themselves.

If my partner or myself had not been moved by the end of that question, I would move on to my next set of questions which I have labeled as ‘The Man Factor Questions.’ Here, I would ask questions that had to do with where my walk-a-mile partner planned on getting settled in the future, what he would like his family to be like, how many children he wanted, what his career would be, etc. These questions gave me insight into what kind of family man my interviewee was. Generally, the answers were simple. Most of the guys just wanted a conventional family in more of a rural area.

After ‘The Man Factor Questions’ I would move onto ‘The Woah-Man (as in woman) Factor Questions.’ These questions focused on what my walking partner looked for in a female, what qualities were important, and whether or not they believed in the ‘the one.’ I liked these questions and the answers were pretty interesting. I was very amused with one of my interviewees answers when he said, “Beauty fades, but dumb is forever,” as he talked about hoping to find an intelligent girl to settle down with one day.

Overall, this test gave for some very interesting conversations. I got to know my buddies more than I would of if I simply asked the typical, awkward, get-to-know-you questions. It was a pretty good tool to have in my pocket and I plan on pulling out the old Marriage Test when I meet someone new. I suggest you try it. Who knows, you may just find your soul mate.

Here I have broken the test up into their three appropriate sections with some questions you can ask to the next person you give The Marriage Test to! You don’t have to strictly stick to these questions. Ask the questions that your heart desires to know the answers to. This is just an outline of questions that got my conversations going. You’ll find that as you go along you’ll think of new interesting questions.

The Big One

What are your religious views? What does religion mean to you?

The Man Factor Questions

Where do you want to live when you grow up? A rural area? An urban area? How many children do you want? Do you want your children to call you Dad, Daddy, or Pops? What are your career goals? Do you want a big house or a small house?

The Whoa-Man (as in woman) Factor Questions

What qualities do you look for in a wife? Do you believe in love at first sight? Do you believe in the one? Do you like older or younger women? What do you think is the most attractive characteristic about a woman?

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Letter from Buffy Margarita Marianna Papodopolous!

Dear World, aka. Grebel

Please allow me to introduce myself: my name is Buffy Margarita Marianna Papodopolous. You may remember me - or at least my ID - from Single and Sexy. I was not a part of the show, my calling has never been the stage. I am far more comfortable sitting back and watching the happenings in this world and then commenting on them. Since my youth, the wisdom of these comments has been universally recognized and I would like to offer to share my advice with you. Send me your predicaments, your trials and your woes and I will use all the accrued wisdom of my 38 years to reply.

And now that my introductory spiel is out of the way, let's move on to the important part of this column: you and your queries...

Dear Buffy, I fell in love on the Walk a Mile but I couldn't see my true love's face. What should I do?

- Blinded by love

Dear Blinded,

You poor soul, I am so sorry you have had to wait so long for a reply, but never fear, the answer is quite simple: All you have to do is set out on a lap of the Grebel residence (and don't forget those off-campus residents and associates) and hold hands with every member of the opposite sex until you recognize the unmistakable grasp of your one true love.

Dear Buffy, where do salmon loins come from?

- Anatomically Confused

Dear Anatomically,

I've looked and I've researched. I've talked to fishermen, I've talked to cats, I've talked to the man who stands behind the tanks of fish at the grocery store. I've Googled, I've questioned, I've harrassed, I even broke down and cried once, but everywhere I go I get the same answer: "salmon don't have loins!" I am forced to consclude that this is a phenomenon unique to Grebel and if I were to hazard a guess I would say that they are likely composed of some sort of seafood with a generous addition of butter and a dash of Mennonite love. Enjoy!

. .. ...Buffy Margarita Marianna Papodopolous

aka. Buffy the Question Slayer

buffy.m.m.papodopolous@gmail.com

Grebel Quiz: Which GREBEL ICON are You?

Brought to you by Justus and Angie

Answer the following questions and find out which Grebel Icon you really wanna be!

  1. What’s your favourite food?

    1. Commie supper bread

    2. Caffeine. Is that a food?

    3. Spaghetti (think Lady and the Tramp)

    4. Anything cooked in the smallest kitchen in the world

    5. BLT… yeah, I’m vegetarian. Your point?

    6. 58 gumballs

  1. How’s your fashion sense?

    1. Modest and professional, keep with the times, great earrings

    2. Must allow generous movement at a moment’s notice

    3. Whatever will impress the ladies

    4. Maternity clothes and running gear

    5. You try to not look like you are trying not to look like you care. But you do.

    6. You’ve had the same shoes since grade eight.

  1. If your life had a soundtrack, what would it be?

    1. Carol Ann Weaver’s Greatest Hits

    2. Richard Simmons!

    3. Garden State Soundtrack

    4. The Secrets of the Stairwell

    5. The Swedish electro-clash scene. So hot right now.

    6. You’ve had the same shoes since grade eight (Yeah, we know).

  1. If you were an animal you would be…

    1. The queen bee

    2. Roadrunner

    3. A puppy, because all you want to do is cuddle

    4. Bunny rabbits

    5. A snapping turtle

    6. A platypus. You just don’t make sense.

  1. What are you doing on a Saturday night?

    1. Missing Grebel

    2. Disco Fever!!!!

    3. Dinner and a movie, that failing you can be found on your oh so lonely longboard.

    4. Do Not Disturb

    5. Wishing you could set up trip lines for all the people running in the halls

    6. Eating hand’s yogurt

  1. Your preferred habitat:

    1. Student Services, a.k.a. the observation room

    2. Where ever the action is or everywhere at once, like in that Flintstones episode

    3. Anywhere the girls are

    4. An apartment for two, soon to be above capacity

    5. There’s a reason you don’t have a roommate

    6. Slightly south of over yonder

  1. What’s your future profession?

    1. Director of Senior Services at Conrad Grebel Retirement Community

    2. Kindergarten teacher

    3. Actor/model, and not the other way around

    4. Mum and Pop

    5. Literary critic

    6. Mad genius

  1. Relationship status:

    1. In love with community

    2. Waiting for someone who can keep up

    3. Desperate

    4. Married and expecting

    5. You wear the pants (he wears the handcuffs)

    6. Yes

  1. You are commonly heard saying…

    1. “Get your orange cards in”

    2. Hey Guys!! What’s UP?!?!

    3. “Have I ever told you about the time my dad took me fishing?…”

    4. “Honey, I’m home”

    5. “I hope you die of climate change”

    6. Absolute nonsense

If you scored mostly As, you are … Mary Brubaker-Zehr. You care deeply about the community at Grebel and have an intense desire to know everything that’s going on.

If you scored mostly Bs, you are … Jenn Vanhie/The Energizer Bunny!

If you scored mostly Cs, you are … Justus Zimmerly. Don’t worry, you’ll find that special someone sooner or later. Or maybe just later.

If you scored mostly Ds, you are … Josh and Rebecca Gibbons. We see diapers and sleepless nights in your future.

If you scored mostly Es, you are … Angie Hostetler. B!#&%

If you scored mostly Fs, you are … Ian Hincks. Isn’t that funny?